How to make change without waiting for a kick up the arse

Is self-doubt holding you back from making change? Do your thoughts of the same old shit like ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not educated enough’, ‘why would anyone even take on board my advice?’ or whatever holds you back from reaching your big dreams and visions?

It’s all that crap we tell ourselves that hold us back from making big bold scary changes. It made me realise that every big change I have ever had in my life  has been through a crisis.

  • I left a domestic violent relationship because I was ordered to by the courts.
  • I resigned from my job to go into business because of my son’s mental health.
  • I moved to my dream beach location because of a crisis.

In the summer of 2016, I was on the verge of making some big changes. Here I was content in my life, the happiest I had felt, but also the most fearful about changing things up.  Through crisis, I didn’t have time to ponder these thoughts as I was running on pure fight – flight adrenaline. I just got on with it and thankfully everything just fell into place. But this time, I had way too much time to question myself.

I didn’t have that crisis to kick me up the arse, so how was I going to make these changes in a relaxed way?

According to Dr Phil, whether as a family or as an individual, change cannot happen unless you are ready for it. He believes there are four stages of readiness when it comes to change.

  1. Compelled by authority to change
  2. Comply to escape criticism (“it’s when everybody expects you to do it, so you fulfil their expectations”)
  3. Intellectually aware of the need for change
  4. Mentally and emotionally self-motivated by change.

Dr Phil says “stage four is when you can honest to god say, I am so sick to death of this that I will not put up with this for another second, for another minute of another hour of another day.  I don’t care how scary it is, I don’t care what’s on the other side, I will not put up with this for another second. I will change this, I don’t care what it takes.”  


That’s when you get change.

And that is exactly what happened to me in the summer of 2016. I reached stage four and said to myself “I will not play small any more. I am so sick to death of putting everyone else before me. I will not put my dreams on hold for another minute, another hour of another day. I don’t care how scared I am, I don’t care what’s on the other side, I will not go to my grave not giving this a big red-hot shot”.

The process of making my dreams come alive in a relaxed mental state with no crisis had me doubting and feeling more fears than ever. But I am breaking through these doubts and fears like a sledge hammer chopping down a tree.  I feel like I am the tree and each day the sledge hammer whacks another layer of doubts and fears out.

So if you want to make changes in the direction of your dreams and visions, and you live a humble happy little life with no big crisis to kick you up the arse, maybe you can say Good Riddance to:

  • Giving one hoot what others will think of you, particularly your husband/wife (you think you need your husband/wife’s approval – you don’t!!)
  • Fearing failure
  • Thinking others have the answer (nope only you have the answers)
  • Comparing yourself to others doing what you want to achieve.


When you get rid of these things, here’s what will happen:

  • You’ll be so focused on your own dreams and visions and feeling excited that you won’t have time to give a hoot what others are thinking
  • You’ll stop telling others what you’re doing and instead start showing them
  • You’ll get excited about failure as it’s a step closer to success (heck, winning some of my biggest clients in my business has been through failing first)
  • You’ll find out that no one can do this for you, so you have to dig deep and find your own answers
  • You’ll focus on your own unique traits and attributes and start feeling just as worthy as everyone else.


Take Away
Big or small, what changes do you want to make?  Are you waiting on a crisis for the kick-up-the-arse that will give you permission to make the changes or are you at that point where you are so sick to death of doing nothing that you will not put up with doing nothing for another second? What will you do differently today to start the changes?


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