***PLEASE note I am NOT a professional writer so yes mistakes will be made LOL***
A few weeks back I was talking with a chick. She seemed to have her shit together, beautiful hubby who she had been with since a teenager, beautiful home they created together, three beautiful children who go to private schools, they live in a lah di dah area, she is attractive and from an outsider she seemed to have the world at her feet; now take me back to my old life days and she would have been on my radar as a toffee mum, someone who I idolised and wished I was.
She had everything that I didn’t!!
Anyway she was telling me about her awful/ perfect relationship and how awful it was because it was just way too perfect and boring and OMG I wanted to grab her, shake her and get on my motivational speaking stage and yell from a megaphone THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT… But I couldn’t say that because the grass was MUCH greener for me when I left my relationship.
So as i listened she told me that she had already left her husband and moved into a new house, I had to allow her to talk and I just sat and listened and this is why she decided to up and leave;
• Because her husband was way too nice
• Their relationship was just too boring
• He didn’t make her happy anymore
• She was destined for a big bold life and he just wanted a simple life
• All he wanted to do was sit and spend time with her and their kids
• It was just boring boring boring
And then I asked her what she did want in a relationship and at this point I was cringing but who am I to judge; this is not my life
• I want a guy that tests me
• I want a guy that gives me challenges in life
• I just want a guy who is not boring and stimulates my life
• I want a guy who will make me happy
And with that she rattled off a whole list of attributes I had in my OLD relationship that certainly gives you tests, challenges and is so full of drama that there is NO time to get bored.
It then made me think about this quote even deeper THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT and I remembered my old violent relationship and realised that no matter how much I watered that god damn grass it just kept dying until it turned into brown manure.
So it got me thinking about this quote and because I have lived two TOTALLY different relationships I can certainly say that in my abusive relationship if someone had of given me this quote I would have felt confused thinking that if only I watered my own relationship then it would get happier and brighter, however with anyone who has lived in a domestic violent relationship no matter how much you put into this relationship it just will NOT get greener.
HOW TO KNOW WHEN THE GRASS WILL BE GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE
For me personally I can honestly say that leaving my abusive relationship was one of the most courageous things I have ever done and the grass has not only turned green for me in my new life but it has turned an almighty fluorescent bright green LOL
So why has my grass turned such a BRIGHT green from when I was in my old relationship?
In my relationship that turned into manure;
• I had hourly challenges
• I was tested daily
• I was SO angry ALL.. OF..THE..TIME that I had no time for boredom
• The mindset games had my adrenalin going 24/7
• I was anxious constantly
• I could NOT sit down for more than 1 minute
• I could NOT stay at home for more than an hour as I had to be busy constantly
• I couldn’t find time in my headspace for myself let alone for my children
• My life was one messed up, chaotic, drama filled existence
(Awwww I was only 21 years young here, but I look 10 years older than I am today because I was SOOOOOO sad!)
Fast forward 11 years and my question is…..
HOW DO YOU KNOW THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT?
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A KICK ARSE RELATIONSHIP?
HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR?
When I met my partner Dave 11 years ago, I had done so much self-development that I was ready to allow him into my life. I felt confident and my self-esteem had grown.
When Dave entered my life I had never experienced a true feeling of love. My views on love were that if someone loved me they would be extremely jealous, love me so much that they would put me down to help me realise my faults, love me so much that they would hit me because I looked so attractive wearing beautiful clothing and so on.
Fortunately before Dave entered my life I had done some extreme counselling and self-development and knew I would never choose a man like this again.
I can’t say it was easy to meet a man like Dave who loved me unconditionally and for who I was; I remember questioning his motives and not really understanding why such a nice man would want to be with me. Although I had done a lot of work on myself, I still couldn’t quite grasp why he wanted to be with me.
I struggled with the love in the beginning and tried to set up situations to see if he was hiding his dark side; I would set up drama’s just to see how he would react; I soon came to realise he was not a nasty man and I started to allow love into my life. There were many times, that the love he showed me felt extremely uncomfortable.
I remember one night Dave wanted to surprise me and do something special for me and my three children. He knocked on the door with a huge platter of sushi and I was absolutely mortified. I was so embarrassed that he did this for us that I told my children they were not allowed to eat it. In my mind I felt as if Dave felt sorry for us and so he felt like he needed to be my “knight in shining armour” and feed my children. I was so humiliated at this that I told him “don’t ever do that again”, I also told him direct that he is not my “knight in shining armour” so please don’t try to feel sorry for me and buy me and my children things. You see I had never experienced someone doing something special for me and my children and it was extremely uncomfortable. Of course I allow this now (in small doses), however it took me a while to allow someone to treat me nicely and to spoil me.
I have now been with Dave for 11 years and in that time I have learnt;
•Boredom is a beautiful thing in a relationship
•Having no drama is pure BLISS
•Not being mentally, physically and emotionally challenged daily helps me have a clear mind to create a positive environment in all areas of my life; my home, my children, my business, my health, my fitness, my relationships with family and friends, my personal growth, my spiritual growth and just my pure happiness for life
•Having a partner who is happy with the simple things in life makes me feel content, I am finally able to sit on the lounge for more than a couple of hours and feel relaxed, I don’t feel adrenalin pumping through me 24/7, and I am even able to stay at home for a whole day and be ok with it LOL
•Having a partner who wants nothing more than a happy family has helped me bond with my children in a way I never knew existed, just by having someone to share that incredible feeling with makes it so much more beautiful
•I LOVE that I don’t rely on Dave for my happiness, if I feel shit I don’t look to him for my happiness, I look within myself and ask myself what is missing within ME to make myself feel happy, I don’t need a man to make me feel happy and it is not his duty to make me feel happy BUT what I LOVE is that Dave gives me the space to find my own true happiness just by him being simple, easy going, chilled and not questioning me, being jealous, criticising me or constantly playing head fuck games with me; my mind is finally at ease to do what I want
So if you are in a relationship like my old one I say….
The grass is certainly greener on the other side so go and find that BRIGHT green grass
But if you are in a relationship like my new one I say THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT so water that grass like a CRAZY arse son of a gun because this relationship full of boredom, no drama’s, no challenges, no tests, no head fuck games, is one worth fighting for xxx
OMG look at this beautiful HAPPY little family I have created, can you see why I LOVE my new life!!!
(SOOOOOOO much happier)
(LOVE my family)
(Our annual family holiday)
(Me and my delicious one year old grandson)
(My daughter Tahlia)
(My son Josh)